do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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