Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize