i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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