Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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