Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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