So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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