just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize