he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize