We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize