Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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