I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize