fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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