Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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