Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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