What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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