She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize