I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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