Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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