It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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