I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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