We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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