i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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