he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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