so that wasnt chicken after all
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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