I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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