I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize