I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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