Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize