I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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