i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize