This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize