Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize