ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize