Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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