There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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