Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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