i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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