I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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