Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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