No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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