Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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