Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize