we have pet lesbian snakes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize