So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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