So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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