Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
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