Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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