i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize