We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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