actually, I'm a sock model
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize