why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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