these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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